


An Andalite's Guide to Courting Humans

by dagas isa (dagas_isa)



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: 5 Things, Courtship, F/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-07
Updated: 2011-01-07
Packaged: 2017-10-14 12:34:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/149281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dagas_isa/pseuds/dagas%20isa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lessons learned the hard way from E, an Andalite, in the courtship of one human, L.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Andalite's Guide to Courting Humans

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NovaMist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovaMist/gifts).



_Get accustomed to your human body, especially the mouth parts before introducing yourself to your human's friends and family._

One of the most unfortunate mistakes I made in the courtship of L was in meeting her mother before I had fully accustomed myself to my human morph. Mouths are wonderful in their capacities to make sounds and taste food. However, human etiquette demands that words be formed efficiently and delivered without extra syllables. Additionally, although cigarette butts are quite delicious and many humans leave dishes of them out in their homes, partaking without an invitation is considered quite rude.

 _Be prepared for some odd and wildly inaccurate ideas humans have about aliens and understand that your corrections will not be welcome._

Human knowledge of anything beyond their own planet is abysmal and limited to hazy encounters with the Skrit Na. Thus, when engaged with any human mythology involving what they call extraterrestrials do not expect anything more accurate tall tales and overwhelmingly bipedal "aliens." Most especially, while engaged in the human courtship ritual of dinner-and-a-movie, do not start pointing out the various biological inaccuracies of the species called Ewoks. Nor should you discuss the physical impossibilities of the technology known as the lightsaber. Even L, who had more experience with aliens than most humans, did not take even the gentle corrections to this human mythology very well.

 _Though many human-preferred courtship activities require enclosed spaces, advanced knowledge of human activities can bring about happy compromises._

Andalites might find many of the most popular human courtship activities—the aforementioned dinner-and-a-movie, bowling, and spending the night—to be overly claustrophobic. Therefore, a smart Andalite will look to find outdoor activities when possible. Outdoor concerts, sporting activities, and camping are all potential options for the enjoyment of both Andalite and human. However, any activity involving horses should be approached with extreme caution. They may lack our tailblade, but that does not prevent them from being formidable foes while in human morph. L recommends the use of apples, carrots, and sugar cubes to tame them.

 _Humans take their end-of-courtship ritual most seriously, and Andalites need to respect this._

On the whole, I have found that we Andalites are much more solemn about our rituals than humans are with the exception of the human marriage ceremony. In contrast to the intimate Andalite gatherings, the human wedding appears to require months of preparation and the expenditure of large sums of money. Do not, if you value your life, question the wisdom of such an elaborate ritual. Bear it with the stoicism expected by your fellow Andalites, and take consolation two facts. First, the human that you cherish enough to marry will be very happy and look wonderful in their traditional wedding costume, and second, the central element to any human wedding is an enormous cake.

 _No matter how much you care about humans or how much time you spend in human morph, you will always remain an Andalite._

If the war with the Yeerks ends and you find yourself courting a human, marrying them, and living your life on Earth, you will still have to deal with a longing for your home planet. You will come to understand humans well and intimately, perhaps living your life as one, but there will always remain things beyond the grasp of Andalite knowledge and things the humans can never know. If this is not the case, and the war itself is ongoing, be prepared for the fact that an Ellimist may lift you form your human life at any time, whisk you back to battleground, and erase the memory of you from your spouse's mind. Your memories will remain intact.

At this point you may ask if it is worth the difficulties of courting a human. I can only say it's for good reason that ordinary beings are unable to see the future.


End file.
